Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
