Grow some girl-balls and come out already
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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