i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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