i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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