These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
