I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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