Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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