Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
