the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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