Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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