Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
