Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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