Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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