I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
