do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
