Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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