Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
