that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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