I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
