He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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