If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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