I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
