You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
