Umm I'm too high to move.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
