i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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