I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
