I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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