Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
