Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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