Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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