so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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