dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
