Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
