You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
