dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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