At least make sure they are 18
Why
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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