I look better un-naked...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
