so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize