I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
