Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow

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(701): View more from North Dakota

how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?

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(513): View more from Ohio

He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay

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(760): View more from California

explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.

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(770): View more from Georgia

You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"

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(802): View more from Vermont

I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.

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(805): View more from California

Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores

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(604): View more from British Columbia

You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"

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