Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
