her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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