Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
