White coat. Heels.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
