weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
