Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with

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(702): View more from Nevada

Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

(636): View more from Missouri

anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

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(435): View more from Utah

it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.

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(707): View more from California

its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me

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(845): View more from New York

one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?

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(613): View more from Ontario

I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.

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(850): View more from Florida

YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?

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