That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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