You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
