After last night, I could never be a politician.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
