I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
