If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
