What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
