i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Mom said you looked used
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
