Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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