Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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