Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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