We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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