Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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