I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
