Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
