i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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