On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
