Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
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And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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