i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
