you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize