God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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