i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do vagina's smell?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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