So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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